Having a crush on an older man? Or, are you searching for “Do older people develop crushes”? If yes, this blog is only for you.
Primarily the question arises can older adults or people passing their thirties get crushed, so here we will answer the thing in a story of a girl in her thirties.
Fiona is married to Garrett. She likes the time she spends with him and looks forward to a long and fulfilling life together.
Still, she can’t help but think about his colleague Brendan these days. She makes his dream at work and sometimes even flirts with him when they are together in the break room. But she would never have thought of sharing her feelings with Brendan, and she certainly doesn’t intend to tell her husband Garrett either.
However, she often has romantic fantasies about Brendan.
Even though Fiona realizes that she is “crushed” for Brendan, she is also confused. Like most people, she was just confused that crushes were just a teenage thing, a clumsy first attempt to figure out your great sexuality, but here she is in her thirties, feeling as lonely as she was as a teenager.
Crushes aren’t just for teenagers.
Crushes aren’t just a teenage experience. On the contrary, adults of any age can have a crush, even when you are in a committed relationship like marriage with a husband and utterly devoted to their partner.
To clarify the discussion, a crush is a one-sided attraction to another person whom the experimenter does not intend to communicate or act on. In this way, crushes are distinguished from other types of romantic interest, such as mutual infatuation or attachment.
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Crushes are pretty common among adolescents. Typically, these crushes occur before teens start dating or enter their first romantic relationship. Therefore, psychologists tend to view crushes as a first step in developing intimacy skills. In other words, teens often experience their first romantic attractions as crushes because they don’t yet know how to react to those feelings.
At the exact moment, many kinds of research show that adults in a relationship also feel attracted to people other than their partner. In other words, they can fantasize about being with another person even though they choose to be with their partner, whom they still love deeply. They can also casually flirt with their crush, although they don’t intend to let her go any further.
Adults in committed relationships typically experience crushes
However, do single and paired people disagree in their experience of crushes?
What is a number of the positive and negative results that individuals experience as a result of their crushes? What expectations do people have regarding the potential for developing an intimate relationship with their crush? Concerning the primary question, the researchers found that people in committed relationships reported much more crushes than people who were single. At first glance, this could be a sudden finding. However, it is sensible once any consideration. Singles are more probably to act on their attractions to others instead of holding their feelings linger within the unrequited stage.
In contrast, coupled people still feel attraction to others, but they hold back expressing their feelings for the sake of protecting their relationship. Likewise, folks in committed relationships typically interact in a casual flirtation with their crush. In contrast, single persons are more likely to create their feelings directly to those they’re attracted to.
Concerning the second question, respondents reportable principally positive outcomes from their crushes. Their crush gave them one thing to fantasize regarding, brightening their day and bringing excitement into their lives. Adverse effects mainly came in terms of guilty feelings about having the crush. Some expressed concern that their crush could tempt them to be unfaithful. Others simply felt dangerous regarding keeping their crush a secret from their partner, whom, they feared, would possibly feel jealous or hurt if they found out.
Concerning the third question, the researchers found that few people in committed relationships had any intention of following their crush. We’re led to believe that we should always solely have eyes for our partner, and once we discover ourselves feeling drawn to somebody else, we’re involved or feel guilty. In reality, however, it’s simply in our nature to feel attracted to different people, and this doesn’t stop simply because we vowed to desert all others.
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Framing the attraction as a crush could then be a technique that individuals use to guard their relationships. That is, the individual accepts the very fact that they’re experiencing a strong attraction toward somebody, on the other hand, their partner, but they additionally understand that they’ll never act on that as a result of their price their relationship.
Why have crushes anyway?
Thus why can we have crushes anyway? Post-pubescent teens, who are still naïve concerning their sexuality, possibly have crushes as a step toward developing their intimacy skills. However, the aim of crushing inactive adults is a smaller amount precise.
One risk is that crushing is solely hardwired into us as a part of our relationship makeup. Feelings of attraction drive us toward approaching potential mates, but we’re typically drawn to those with whom we’ll never be ready to have a relationship. This might result in relationship commitments or other circumstances that keep us from following a relationship with that person. Another risk is that crushes take a look at the strength of our current relationship.
On the one hand, if we keep the attraction as a non-public experience, we all know that our commitment to our partner is vital. In such a case, acting out fantasies with our partner could facilitate the will for one more person and at the same time strengthen the bonds of our relationship. On the opposite hand, if we discover ourselves functioning on our desire and revealing our feelings to our crush, this can bother our relationship.
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The attraction alone is never enough to push someone to infidelity. Instead, analysis shows that it takes the supply of attractive others yet deep dissatisfaction with the current relationship to guide a person to be unfaithful to their partner.
On these lines, several young adults maintain a “back-burner” relationship simply if things go south with their current partner. Crushing might then be a method for individuals to assess the standard of a possible future partner. In sum, crushes are a standard development not simply in teenagers but in adults as we tend toll, particularly those in committed relationships.
The present study shows that crushes are primarily harmless, as they will relieve the monotony and even boost a couple’s life. Rather than feeling guilty concerning them, we should always perceive that crushes show us just however committed we are to our partners. Otherwise, we’d be following that different person instead of keeping our wishes to the extent of fantasy.