Know why should never shout at your crush, or wanting to know you accidentally offended your crush and what to do? Here’s everything.
Most of us aspire to find love. It is undoubtedly one of the most important goals of our life. Because of this almost universal truth, it’s not always easy for people to figure out that most of us are angry with love as well.
It often happens that no matter how long we seek or how long we wish, we find ourselves challenged in a way that incites fear, anger, and avoidance once in love. In these moments, we find a way to distance the people closest to us to create distance and free us from the intrinsic weight of being in love.
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In the case of love and relationships, Burdens can refer to the painful realities of what it means to take care of someone and have them take care of us in return. Being loved by a loved one challenges our pre-existing negative opinions about ourselves. We need to recognize our anxiety about losing an identity that we have accepted all of our lives. Also, when it comes to valuing someone, we have to face our fears of losing someone who is now very important to us. Being in love makes our life so much more meaningful and, therefore, both frightening and painful. Our tendency to feel angry with the love directed at us is a defense we all develop in response to these ingrained fears of intimacy.
How does our anger towards love manifest itself?
Relationships often break down. It is common for people who were once inseparable to separate and never seeing each other again. So many couples go from madness in love to madness in disgust, and all parties wonder what happened. What separated them? This diversion of love often begins with our fear of intimacy, which leads us to take action towards our loved ones.
First, it can be subtle things: less eye contact, fewer acts of physical affection, slight resistance to sharing activities that we both once enjoyed, an increase in critical observations, lower passion levels, a slow breaking of respect for mutual independence, and boundaries.
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Expressing patterns of anger
When we express these patterns of anger towards our partner, we are often really angry with the love itself. When our partner looks at us with kind eyes, it can start to get on our nerves. Maybe he’s a little more likely to walk away. These are acts of kindness, intimacy, and affection, but we start to back off and react as if they are rejecting us.
Eventually, these models will become more and more harmful. As we get close in a relationship, we feel more threatened and angrier at being loved. We can fall into a more low-key routine, avoiding activities we once shared with our partner that challenged or excited us. We could replace true love with a “fantastic bond,” an illusion of connection that we form based on our defenses. When we fall into this illusion, we often fall short of love. We substitute form for substance, interacting as a single unit instead of admiring ourselves as two separate individuals.
Why are we angry with the love directed at us?
You don’t want what you mean to say you want. Most of us say we want to find a loving partner, but the experience of true love turns the romantic fantasies that have served as a survival mechanism since childhood upside down.
These ‘survival mechanisms’ mainly means to the defenses we formed in response to unwanted circumstances in our early years. When people are hurt in their first relationships, they fear it will be again and are reluctant to run. Another chance to be loved. They use distancing behaviors to preserve their psychological balance. “
Our early relationship experiences strongly influence how we interact in our adult relationships. We can seek out partners who make us feel good. We feel familiarly empty and lonely, or we can choose bullies and bullies to make up for what we think we are missing. Either way, we’ll recreate negative dynamics rather than looking for new, healthy ways to communicate. We do it not because we think it is, but because we are subconsciously guided to comfortable or familiarity.
Our past fantasies
If we choose someone who doesn’t match the negative aspects of our past, we often start to feel uncomfortable, suspicious, questioned, or angry. When we feel loved by anyone, it challenges us to see ourselves in a new light and to stop seeing ourselves as we were caught in our family or in our childhood environment, where we perhaps have.
Felt a lack of love or respect. Of course, our childhood too may have been filled with positive and loving experiences, but even the best of parents can “anticipate and meet all a child’s needs.” Our good and bad experiences are likely to shape our self-image and how we imagine and ultimately shape our closest relationships.
To break our counterproductive schemas is to know yourself, to come to understand our past and how they affect our present. On the surface, our thoughts and desires about love may seem positive and hopeful, but deeper down, and we may be afraid of being loved. We may feel angry at love when we don’t expect the most people we value.
When this happens, it’s essential to have patience with ourselves and self- compassion. We should aim to challenge those behaviors that hurt our relationship or create distance between our partner and us. We should be careful of the times we force the love away and think about why these little moments or situations make us uncomfortable. How do they relate to our past?
We open up to experience love in coming to know ourselves. We may start to feel less angry about the devotion expressed towards us. Even when we notice that we are feeling mad for our partner’s sake, we can choose how to act in order to bring us closer instead of allowing ourselves to work in a way that would sabotage a worthy relationship.